Poem written by Finance Minister - TAX

From the Internet....
Poem written by Finance Minister......

Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.

Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teach him taxes are no joke.
Tax his car, tax his ass
Tax the roads he must pass.

Tax his tobacco, tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his booze, tax his beers,
If he cries, tax his tears.

Tax his bills, tax his gas,
Tax his notes, tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers, tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the earth in which he lays.

Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom!"
And when he's gone, we won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!

English Ki Aisi ki Taisi

The Receptionist

The Receptionist

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others as to what is wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. 

There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. 

This is how an old guy handled it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. 

The Receptionist said, 'Yes, sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?' 

'There's something wrong with my d*ck', he replied. 

The receptionist became visibly irritated and said, 'Oh, my! You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ' 

'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear, or something like that, and then discussed the problem further with the Doctor…in private.' 

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.”

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??' 

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly, smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?' 

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied. 

The waiting room erupted in laughter... 

Mess with seniors? You're going to lose.

Are you laughing!

Humour

Sis to Bro: "What are you giving to Grandma on her birthday?".

Bro: "A Football"

Sis: "But Grandma kahan khelti hai?".

Bro: "Meri birthday par unho ne Bhagvat Gita diya tha, to uska kya?" 

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does".

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.

The doctor is gone awhile and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.

The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.

"Okay, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes."

Joke..

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job.

He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it. He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don' t have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the Bottle, puts it aside and says "Stand aside my dear friend, I know you were Not involved...."

Who is the real Donkey? hahaha

A Man's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

A Man's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

You are in the middle of a few projects around at your home: putting in a new fence, painting the basement walls, putting in a new garden. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt and paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit -- shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of these projects you realize you need to run to Home Depot for supplies.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20s:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes.
Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favourite cologne because, you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout line.

And yes, you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30s:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change your shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else.
Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favourite cologne to cover the smell.

The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40s:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.
Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute is almost empty, so don't waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.

The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird about thinking she's spicy.

In your 50s:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat. Wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog crap in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.

The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember -- the hat you have on is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms'

In your 60s:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat any more. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50s.
You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.

The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on, so you're not sure.

In your 70s:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes.

The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your balls are hanging out the hole in your crotch.

In your 80s:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead.
You went to school with the old lady greeter.

You wander around trying to remember what you are looking for. Then you fart out loud and think someone called your name.

In your 90s & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this?
Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

Humour in Pictures

A Bagpiper's Story - humourous

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played Amazing Grace, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothing like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still lost....it's a man thing.

Perfect Spouse - Joke

Perfect Spouse

A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"

The matchmaker said, "What exactly are you looking for?"

"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the result to the woman.

The result read,

"Buy a television."